What Am i Afraid Of?

Posted on October 13, 2010



Fear of the other. It’s a great fear because you don’t know the other. It can instill a deep-seated hatred of the other if not managed well. That’s what homophobia is – hatred and fear of the other. i fear being on the receiving end of homophobia because it hurts and brings about great damage. It cuts like a knife. Slurs that are meant to cause emotional harm are what i fear. i also fear the very violence that can accompany those slurs. Like what happened recently to the three gay people in New York. i fear that kind of violence being subjected on me just for who i am. It really scares the shit out of me that i could be attacked verbally and/or physically for being queer. i have experienced homophobia as slurs but never any violence. i feel like one day i might. i don’t walk around in deep fear all of the time but it does resonate in the back of my mind from time to time. When i walk down the street holding my wife’s hand with not a care in the world, the fear does lurk in the cobwebs of my mind. i’m a pretty carefree person who has a level of confidence in good measure, but i am flesh and blood. Say something nasty regarding my sexuality and it hurts deeply. Prick me and i bleed, so verbal pricking affects me greatly! People can be horrific to others. It’s these people i fear the most. If they would only take the time to get to know a queer person, maybe then they would see we are ALL human with all the same ups and downs in life. i am saddened by all the hate shown lately through the bullying and subsequent rash of suicides. No one should be driven to take their life. No one!


Adele Sakler currently resides in Sacramento, California with her partner, and their cute Tibetan Spaniel named Mushu. She suffers from, and is in treatment for, Chronic Lyme Disease, a few other Tick-Borne diseases and Heavy Metal Toxicity. She considers herself at this point in her journey a Christian agnostic because she just can’t seem to sign on the dotted line and ascribe to all the man-made doctrines and long-held man-made traditions of Christendom any longer. She is ‘thomas, doubter. She is judas, betrayer. She is nicodemus, reluctant in the night. She is st. john of the cross, soul darkened by love.’ (David Henson of unorthodoxology)  ‘She is lost, wicked, and depraved but redeemed by the grace and beauty of God.’ (Eugene Cho of Beauty and Depravity)

She loves G-D and is a failing Christ-follower. She blogs at http://www.existentialpunk.com/ and is the creator and site administrator for http://www.queermergent.com/.


Posted in: Adele Sakler