On Being a Queer Queermergent
No, it’s not a typo; it’s my life.
I’ve always been one to defy labels, much of the time on purpose. My daughter says it’s part of my fear of commitment (maybe she’s right?), but as long as I can remember, i’ve been “sort of, but not quite.” Both my sexuality and spirituality, among other things, fall right into line with that description.
I’ve been attracted to both women and men as long as I can remember, but have struggled much over the years – first with the belief that love for the same sex and love for Christ are mutually exclusive concepts; and then the perception of bisexuals in the gay community as “not really gay – just hypersexual” (One girl I had the hots for actually told me I wasn’t gay, just “exotic”; wasn’t sure how to take that).
I’ve had the same problems as a black female – being judged as somehow lacking in each of those characteristics as well, by people using some unseen checklist I never got a copy of. My faith in Christ has also often been considered suspect by folks who got just a small taste of my theology.
Finally, at the ripe old age of 45, i’ve come to accept that most people aren’t going to be comfortable with the fact that I don’t fit their boxes; and that I will never fit them. So be it. I’ve stopped proclaiming or explaining myself to people, unless they are among the precious few I feel can truly and fully appreciate my reality, whatever it is.
Which brings me to why I count myself among the Queermergent. Four years ago, I became a part of a local Emergent cohort, an exceptional group of people who not only gave me a space to sort through so many of the questions that have characterized my life, but who embraced me in all my diversity, without having to define me. I have been in churches of all stripes, organizations, bands, and multiple intimate relationships, but I never found on anywhere near this scale the profound acceptance I have among these people whom I see only once a month, for the most part. It has been literally life-changing.
One member of that cohort and I have recently begun forming an intentional community, where I hope we can recreate that experience for others, both within our smaller committed group, and with the members of both the greater physical and spiritual communities we intend to be an integral part of. Creating a space where people can find true acceptance without qualifications, which for me, most exemplifies the love Christ has for us – all of us – no matter how, or what kind of, queer.
BIO: Magenta could be described as a semi-anarchist queermergent Christ-follower who aspires to love and live with insane abandon, hopefully as a long-term member of Charlotte Abbey (charlotteabbey.wordpress.com).