Bi The Way

Posted on December 14, 2010

14


Bi The Way

BY Rachel McAdams

“I’m glad you aren’t gay anymore. I like you better straight.”

I wish I could say this was something I never heard. I heard it once when I was 17. I heard it again when I was 21. I heard it when I was 24. I’m pretty sure I have friends RIGHT NOW who have said or thought something similar.

“You’re so much more fun now that you aren’t a breeder anymore.”

Thought you’d get away with being the accepting ones? Oh no. I heard this when I was 18, 22 and 25. I’m sure with my next girlfriend, I’ll hear it again.

With every new lover, a host of friends were lost for me growing up (and still are). If I was dating a man, the LGBT community felt I didn’t need them anymore, while with every girlfriend, the straight community thought I was rejecting myself and in rebellion.

I believe in marriage, monogamy, the everlasting love of my Creator, my wonderful country and chocolate. I have loved women. I have loved men. I never stop loving God. I also love cheesecake.

I’m attracted to tall, older handsome men. I’m also attracted to curvy, blonde beautiful women. To add to that, I’m also attracted to anyone that will cook me a good dinner and watch a movie snuggled on the couch with me.

I’m at a point in my life, where I just don’t talk about one when I’m dating the other. I’m straight when I’m with a man. I’m gay when I’m with a woman. I’m Rachel all the times in between.

If you are gay or straight, and have been lucky enough to be attracted to one particular sex your entire life, please understand the following:
I’m not confused.
I’m not going through a phase, although most days, I wish I was.
I can very easily ‘make up my mind.’
I’m not selfish.
I’m not trying to have my cake and eat it to. (pun intended… it always was when it was said to me)
I’m not polyamorous, or a polygamous, or poly-anything else.
I’m not afraid of my gayness.
I’m not a slut.
I will not sleep with ‘just anyone.’
I did not choose to be bisexual.
I don’t sleep with women to get men.

Now that we have that cleared up. I’m just like you. Sometimes I’m awkward and clumsy. Sometimes I have the world on my shoulders. Sometimes I love too much, and most days, I don’t love enough. I screw up and sometimes, everything works out perfect.

Sometimes I yell at God, and other times, I’m comfortable in His embrace.

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I’m 27-year-old ex-military, newspaper-loving college journalism student trying to understand God, love and people. I suck pretty hardcore at all of it. I love photography, writing, art, espresso and talking theology to strangers.