From Homophobe to Straight Ally – Part 1
BY Hugh Hollowell
This is the first post in a four part series in which Hugh Hollowell shares his journey from homophobe to straight ally. We will publish one part of his story each week, so you may want to subscribe to our RSS feed so you don’t miss anything.
While there are various permutations, I find that there are three distinct positions within the Christian church on the issue of homosexuality.
• That homosexual thoughts and actions are sin. Gays should repent and act like heterosexuals.
• That homosexual action is sin. Gays should be celibate.
• That homosexual actions are not sin in the context of a monogamous relationship.
In the last 25 years, I have held and embraced all three views, and in the order I have just presented them – I went from totally anti-gay to totally gay affirming. This was not something I did lightly. It took years to make each move, and each one was a struggle and challenged what I thought I knew about God. And despite what my critics will say, I have felt closer to God with each move.
I did not ask Adele to let me tell my story because I think I am anything special. In fact, I am rather unspectacular. Instead, I felt the need to tell my story because I thought it might help some people who are struggling right now with balancing what their intellect and heart are telling them with what they think God wants. Maybe in my story they can find a way to reconcile that for themselves. Or maybe they can at least feel that they have permission to explore, to ask questions.
Several people close to me have advised me not to write my story. I know full well that I live on support, primarily from Christians, and that some people who support me disagree with me on this issue. And I would be lying if I told you that I am not scared of what losing that support could mean to me and my ability to do ministry. But this is an issue on which I feel I cannot be silent.
Because others were silent, I thought I knew what God was like. Because others were silent, it gave me permission to hate. Because others were silent, it allowed me to hurt people. I cannot be silent.
If you disagree with me on this issue, I understand, for I was once one of you. And while I recognize that almost nothing I can say will get you to change your mind, I do hope at least you will keep your mind open enough to listen to what I have to say. And if we end up disagreeing, I hope we can at least be civil.
As much as my heart goes out to those who disagree with me, I find myself writing primarily to the person who is conflicted, whose heart tells them that love is worthwhile but whose religion says God hates people who are “like that”. I am writing the testimony I wish I could have read, the words I wish I had heard, the story I wish someone had told me. In short, if you are struggling with this issue, I seek to tell you that you are not alone, and to give you permission to change your mind.
As I talk to Christians, I find that many of you agree with me, at least in principle. And yet you keep silent. I understand that. You probably think you are being wise. You probably think that you will let things sort themselves out. I disagree with you. There were people who disagreed with the civil rights abuses in the South, and yet said nothing. We do not now admire them for their discretion. Instead, they have found themselves, in the words of our president, on the wrong side of history. If you are one of us, I urge you to speak up. There are more of us than you think.
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Hugh Hollowell is a writer, speaker and urban minister in Raleigh, NC. He is the founder of Love Wins Ministries, an organization that seeks to demonstrate the love of Jesus to all those society would leave behind.
Kevin S
March 9, 2009
This should be an interesting series. I’d like to know that there is another dimension to the church’s views on LGBT people which many church people forget when talking about this, essentially relating to how deep their involvement can run.
* They may identify themselves publicly.
* They may serve on missions.
* They may work with children.
* They may lead small groups.
* They may lead the church.
Churches which allow celibacy or marriage can still fall anywhere on this involvement spectrum. I think much of the reason people give up on church is at some point they hit the “pink ceiling” and can no longer grow.
gracerules
March 9, 2009
Thank you so much for being willing to speak out about this issue. It sounds like I have had a journey similar to yours. It is a little scary to start speaking up – people can be so mean – and not just to you but to your loved ones. But at the same time it is very hard to not speak up when you see people that you love and care about being treated in ways that you cannot find evidence to support.
Darren
March 9, 2009
Hugh,
Thank you SO MUCH for being brave enough to tell your story. My prayer is the same as yours – I hope all others who are silent about their support will own up to it, for the sake of healing and reconciliation.
lucylopez
March 10, 2009
Hi Hugh, your post came up on my WordPress ‘Readomatic’ and I am pleased it did.
I too had a similar journey in my relationship and attitude toward people who are homosexual. I see that journey now as a journey of growth and maturation as I began to reclaim authority on how to think and feel from an external source i.e. the church (in my case, Catholic) to one that has always been within me, my innate wisdom. Finding the latter a much more reliable, consistent and loving guide, I question our preoccupation with what institutions such as the church have to say on matters that ultimately can only ever be authentically discerned by each and every individual in the presence of the ‘holy spirit’.
I cannot help thinking that many of us are not yet ready to give up the need for approval or permission from the ‘parent’. Years and indeed generations of habituated reliance on external authorities have eroded our confidence and our ability to listen to and trust our inner knowing – a knowing which is timeless and which transcends the vagaries and trends of human thinking.
Neither do I want to make my decision to speak out about homosexuality or any other sensitive matter contingent upon how I will be judged now or in the future. Rather, I shall make that decision by responding spontaneously to each and every unique situation in which such a decision is called for. That said, I rather think that the only decision I ever have to make is to respond in love, every time, every where. But that’s old news isn’t it – very old indeed – one of the 10 commandments actually, and needing constant practice.
In love, Lucy
http://www.lucylopez.net
http://www.lucylopez.wordpress.com
Hugh Hollowell
March 10, 2009
Thanks, everyone for your kind words. The very frustrating thing is that because many of us who agree with you will not speak out, it makes us seem like a very weak minority, and thus gives those on the other side a much bigger amount of influence.
As Burke is alleged to have said, “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”.
nugo
March 10, 2009
Well said Hugh. I made the same journey myself and have come full circle as well. Here’s my related post: http://rants2revelations.blogspot.com/2008/11/why-is-this-prop-8-issue-important-to.html
Lewis Cash
March 18, 2009
Hey Hugh, I’m stoked to see other staight believers standing up for our LGBT brothers and sisters. I’m so excited to learn that I am not alone in this. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to deal with your third stance (“that homosexual actions are not sin in the context of a monogamous relationship”) in context of a church that may not have the same beliefs on the issue:
How do you bring this topic up?
How do you support your beliefs?
Can you continue being a part of a faith community that shares many of the same values you do, but takes a different stance than you on this issue?
Looking forward to the other posts!